In the Cause of Sisterhood

February 1, 2008 at 3:31 am (Espara)
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In this RP Espara steps in to help a fellow Blue who has lost three bondmates in a short period of time.  
It was storming outside again. Cold and ice seemed to own the world, as if winter would never end. Some sisters walked around in silks wrapped in warmth weaves but, Espara a’Dautry a Sitter of the Blue Ajah, felt that this was a waste of a good opportunity to wear wools.Dressed in woolen breeches, a fine cut with deep blue vines ribboning down the side …despite the inexpensive fabric, and a thick cotten button down dress shirt with flowing sleeves that came snug at the cuffs and were like clouds on her shoulders, she walked down the Blue Ajah corridors. Dark hair held up in a braid that swiped at the small of her back with each heavy foot fall of her dark boots, smoke wreathing her head from a corn cob pipe held tightly in her teeth, she considered each door as she passed. Silently she named the sisters within, both inside the tower and outside of it. Briefly she paused at Adelle’s door. Sighing at the younger sister who she’d likely never see again, she continued onward.It wasn’t until she reached the door of Estel that she actually knocked. It was dark, but not quite late yet. Still, she expected the woman might be sleeping, she had slept a lot once not so long ago. Well… not so long in her own mind at least. Each day without Auron cut like a knife, though less keenly than it had the first day. Even as an old man, he still found ways to make her laugh and keep her focused on what mattered most. Part of her would have hated to feel him die in battle, but some other part deeply lamented that he hadn’t. He would have died happily for their cause… instead, he died for the one thing that almost seemed impossible to harm her… age.

No answer.

Sighing, and not being one to give up, Espara knocked again. Estel was here, the novice who brought her an early dinner said so; though she had to wonder if it was uneatten and cold like the girl had found her lunch.

Normally sisters are left to grieve in their own ways, and Estel … well, she was a special case. Many sisters wanted nothing to do with her, even in the blue ajah, so she might have gone unnoticed until she snapped out of it or fell over from starvation and some yellow made a project of her… but when Espara heard the novice talking to an accepted about it, she knew she had to step in.

“I know you’re in there Estel, it’s me Espara…” they’d never been extremely close but neither had they been enemies in any way. Honestly, Espara knew very little of Estel despite how many years they’d lived only down the hall from each other. “… open up the door please.”

When was the last time she’d moved? Not that it really mattered, as she had no intention of moving anytime soon, but it was so much easier to concentrate on the trivial, rather than…When was the last time she’d eaten? Light, it must have been days. A few plates littered the floor again, as did the laundry, just as it some three weeks earlier; it wasn’t nearly as bad though—not yet anyway. Darienna, or someone, seemed to be sending her food and likely she’d get a visit from someone soon since most of the plated had gone back untouched. The few pounds she had gained in the two weeks since Darienna had, quite literally, dragged her from the depression she’d settled into after Watchers, had evaporated as quickly as Estel’s newfound determination and hope.Orion was gone.

The thought rocked her to her very core. Somehow, despite all the hell she’d been through over the years, something else always happened to ensure that Estel bloody Liones would always remain everyone’s kicked puppy. She’d thought her life couldn’t possibly get any worse. However, the Creator seemed to think she had challenged Him and he’d allowed this… THIS… THIS! to happen.

She couldn’t cry. She sobbed, but Estel had let herself get so dehydrated that she could barely remain in her position; curled on her empty bed, thin arms curled around thin legs that were tucked up beneath her chin. Foetal position: that most comforting of positions where one makes oneself as small as can be and thus present a smaller target to the world. Unfortunately, Estel had never been much good at making a small target of herself, she seemed to have a bullseye painted on her heart with the inscription “kick me while I’m down”.

Light, Matthias had been bad enough, and she’d felt nothing for him—he’d simply been a pair of arms to replace Orion’s for a time. Then, less than a painful bloody month ago, Ged had suddenly disappeared from her head. The Asha’man had only violated her mind for a bare week before being so stupid as to piss off the wrong power-hunry, sexual sadist—but who was Estel to judge Ged for that, hadn’t she been raped and tortured by the same sadist? Light burn her, she had hated Ged, but she’d been on the wrong side of that Bond and the violence with which it was ripped from her…

One would think she could have gotten used to this sort of pain by now? After all, what more could they do to her that hadn’t been done? But no… they had to go and rip the very foundation upon which she stood out from under her!

She should have seen this coming. He was old, Light, practically seventy! Both of them knew, though neither dared admit it aloud, that he was too old to continue being a proper Warder. But age never changed the fact that he was still there beside her every night to comfort her and remind her she wasn’t as alone as she felt.

Light, it would have been better for him if the shock of her Bond with Ged ripping had killed him. Better for both of them, though Estel doubted even Annais and Darienna would have been able to stop her suicide attempts then. But to wait three weeks and kill him because of “old age”? That was the height of cruelty.

She had been in the middle of a conversation with Darienna when it happened. They’d simply been talking, figuring out what they would do with one or two of the more troublesome Novices—in whom Estel took great joy in seeing a bit of her younger self. Mid-sentence, massive pain ripped through her chest and she’d fallen from her chair to the floor. By the time she’d regained consciousness, he was gone. Gone for ever. Her Orion. Her Warder. Her love.

A knock sounded on the door.

“I know you’re in there, Estel, it’s me Espara…open up the door please.”“No.” It was on the tip of her tongue, but considering how well the word seemed to work with Darienna, she instead crawled off the bed.Or at least, that was her intention; it was more like falling. Estel was only beginning to realise how weak she was. When was the last time she’d eaten? She’d left the plate of food Darienna had brought untouched, the Novice had taken that away and left another untouched meal on her bedstand. Yesterday she had only picked at the food Darienna had brought and only because the stubborn woman refused to leave until she’d eaten something. Those few mouthfuls were about all she’d eaten in the last… three days.

“Coming.” Or at least that was what Estel tried to respond to the persistent knocking. Unfortunately, all that came out was a rather strangled grunting noise because her tongue refused to unstuck from the bottom of her mouth and any noise passing through the vocal chords felt like it was threatening to make them bleed. When was the last time she’d had anything to drink? Yesterday? The day before?Estel struggled on weak legs towards the door. She was forced to lean on various objects along the way to keep her upright: walls, mirrors, tables, chairs. Darienna was going to have her head if the Mistress of Novices found out she’d neglected herself this badly again. By the time she even reached the door, the Domani Blue was swaying badly from dizziness and headaches, her hand rattled the doorhandle as she struggled to open it.She managed to barely catch a glimpse of Espara’s waiting face before slumping to the ground.

Espara could hear moans inside, for a moment she considered that maybe Estel had found another way to comfort herself and while her polite side said to go and leave them be… her ‘curious’ nature caused her to stay. It was good that while kind-hearted that Espara was also less than proper when it came to certain things.Inside she heard Estel stumbling towards the door and then the knob rattling weakly. Grabbing the knob she decided that rudeness be burned in the pit, she had to be certain Estel was well. As the door came open Estel went down. Without even a half-thought Espara pulled in the burning life energies of Saidar and encased herself in it’s comforting glow. Thick threads of air shot out from her hand and wrapped around Estel just before impacting with the hard stones.“Oh Light…” she whispered. Stepping into the room she immediately bore witness to how unfit it was to nursing anyone out of a depressive state. “Bloody fool Estel!” She scolded & then changed her tone to a motherly one. “Don’t you worry now, everything is going to be okay. I’ll help you.”

Checking the hall to see that it was clear of possible busy bodies who’d take to gossiping about the sight of Espara carrying a barely conscious Estel to her bed chamber, she moved towards her door with all alacrity.

Espara’s room lacked the frill of most women’s quarters. Like her clothing, her living space was practical and almost masculine in it’s appearance. Some of Auron’s things were still here, and now with Estel here in this state it was hard not to stare at them for a long moment. She understood the other woman’s agony all too well.

Putting Estel down in her bed, Espara fetched a cup of water and prop’d the other woman up to drink. “Easy now, just sip at it. You don’t want to drown yourself…” as Estel drank slowly like a weak kitten, Espara encouraged her. “There you go. That’s it.”

Light, but it was going to be a long night of nursing this woman back to her strength. Happily Espara’s schedule was clear for the next day or so.

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